Do you W I S H....
or do you W A N T something to happen or to manifest in 2023?
Traditionally, this is the time where we look back and reflect on the year which has passed, and on the year which is to come.
Many of my clients start our conversation with 'I wish...' And my question to them is do you wish it, or do you really want it? Often, this question is followed by a silence, and then by the reply 'actually, that is a good question'
Note: Coaching is about asking questions which cannot be answered directly, silence is a very good sign as it leaves space to think deeply, and truly about what my client really W A N T
The difference between wishing and wanting...
Wishing for something is passive, we hope that things will change which are outside our own influence or not within our resources. Of course, we all wish for peace on Earth, but only few of us are in a position to take influence, and that leaves many of us feeling powerless, overwhelmed, or simply sad. Wishing can be the start of wanting, to me this is the process of transforming a dream into a vision. And once we have a vision, we can think about how to turn it into reality. Then we need to want it....
Wanting something has a totally different note, and power to it. It is a declaration of will, of something you want to achieve or accomplish, and you know it is within your power to do so. And that is a good start to the realisation of change you want to see in the New Year.
Of course, to want something does not mean it will happen, and we need to break this 'Want' down into chunks, usually we call them goals. For example, I Want to be fitter next year, so my goal is to start excercising.
Does that sound like an attractive goal, and like a goal you can really committ to? Or have you
said that 100 times before, and it never happened?
The secret to achieving your goals is no secret but a strategy which you can apply to turn your wanting into reality!
Step 1 reflect and declutter
It might help to first think about what you achieved, what worked well, what did not work that well, and where there is room for improvement or growth.
It is a bit like decluttering your wardrobe before buying new things. Take a look first what you have, which resources are available, how is your health, and what do you need to do first. Let go of what simply does not work. Congratulate yourself that you tried, and forgive yourself that it did not work out. Stay curios and open-minded!
If we fail to achieve a goal it is not the lack of will power, rather, it is because we did not take the time to carefully think about what we learned, taking stock of the year which has passed, and therefore our goals do not build upon existing resources, experiences, and achievements.
Step 2 make your goals attractive
Find words for your goal which makes it attractive. Think about how you will feel once you achieved your goal! It is worthwhile to take the time to truly think about what you want and describe it in a way which makes you excited.
How we spell out a goal can be the game changer. It needs to be described in a positive, and motivating way.
Step 3 check your resources and be realistic
Are you stresssed, tired? Take time to recharge first before embarking on your exciting journey.
Define goals which are realistic and achievable, think about yourself, your needs, and your skills. Bigger goals are best broken down into small steps. Define a timeline for those steps, and for the achievement of the goal itself. How well are you set up?
Step 4 share the excitement
Last but not least, accountability really helps. Share your goal with someone who will be happy if you succeed, and who will encourage you along the way. Agree to regularly check in with your accountability buddy, and find support if you feel you get stuck or motivation starts to cease.
And after all, this is the season of giving, and do not forgot to give yourself the gift of staying true to yourself, your values, dreams and goals. Be forgiving, and generous, you can always start again tomorrow. Steady and slow will take you there much faster!