Lately, I attended a workshop as I enjoy enriching my knowledge, getting to know other perspectives, ideas and approaches, for my own personal development and for my clients.
I noticed in myself that opening up is not that easy being in an unfamiliar environment, surrounded by total strangers. It all started casually and I felt quite at ease, though very conscious of myself.
As we progressed, it was about making connection with others, trusting them to hold you. And there it was, tears ran down my face. I could not do it, it was too much. And as much as I did not trust those strangers to hold me without judgment, as little did I trust myself that I was worthy of being held.
I was exhausted, overwhelmed, humiliated, self-judging and disappointed. But I decided to just let it sit, to not look deeper into what happened right now, but to trust that I will understand what happened in time.
And today it feels like those physical sensations transform into insights and make their way into my consciousness. It feels that those insights will add an even deeper level of empathy and understanding when I coach clients who struggle with self-trust, self-love, and self-worth.
the body knows - my physical reaction to the situation was immediate and pure. My tears were a signal of hurt, shame and fear. It took a while before my conscious mind could process those physical signals, and translate them into the conclusions I am sharing here.
worthiness - this feeling strongly depends on our interaction with others. We are social creatures, we mirror each other all the time, and try to figure out what others think of us. Being damaged, traumatised or holding on to negative beliefs inhibits the process of trusting, of truly making conncetion with others. It means that we judge ourselves AND we judge others. When we can let go of judgment, of prejudice, we will be more free to truly connect, to truly trust and to enjoy.
When I work with clients who have issues with trust, judgement, and lack of self-worth, the work with my horses becomes invaluable. No words or active interaction is necessary, being in their presence, observing the physical reactions will give us all the clues we need to address what is going on, deep inside.
Horse will never judge the way humans judge each other. They simply mirror your state of being, and still embrace you with love and kindness. This is extremly valuable and pure and will allow us to investigate why we find it so difficult to trust ourselves, and others.
In the end, we all long for connection, and connection is a necessary condition for our existence. To feel safe in those connections, we need to trust, ourselves, and others. And only if we approach each other in a non-judgementa way, those connections can become deep and pure.
My learnings enable me to understand those issues on a much deeper, more meaningful level, and therefore also support my clients on a deeper level. I love to learn, grow and challenge myself, also if that means I meet my own demons. I create a safe space for myself, as I do for my clients. And in that space, we can face our fears and overcome them, carefully, slowly and with compassion.
With love,
Annette